"I'd kiss a frog even if there was no promise of a Prince Charming popping out of it. I love frogs." Cameron Diaz
Welcome to the Home of the Dumb Blonde
If it's dumb blondes and celebrities you're looking for then look no further. Blondesville is a protected sanctuary for all those... oh god, another one got it. If you find any stray blondes send them our way.
By Paul Bird Uploaded by MyCanon (Scarlett Johansson) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
You Can't Tie Scarlett Down
Scarlett thinks monogamy is unnatural. In a recent interview with Playboy Miss Johansson said "I don't think it's natural to be a monogamous person." going on to say "it is such work for so many people - for everyone - the fact of that proves that it is not a natural thing." Ya, it's hard, so fuck it. You don't see animals struggling to survive in nature, that would be unnatural. Anyways, marriage over, off to the orgy.
Monthly Moron for February
For Valentines' Day, which one of these Blondes most deserves to be trusted with a bow and arrow?
It's been revealed that Madonna was given permission by the Malawian high court to adopt four-year-old twins Stella and Esther. Now that she owns 2/3rds of the population she is officially the countries leader and can now battle it out with her nemesis Donald Trump at the UN. I think that's how adoption works, I could be wrong. International politics is complicated.
Village Idiot for 4 Feb 2017, Gwyneth Paltrow
Gwyneth Knows Where You Can Stick It
Gwyneth Paltrow has moved on from steaming her vagina and is now recommending you stick jade eggs up there instead. However, as you might have guessed a few doctors have come out and recommended not sticking jade eggs in your vagina because modern science or something. I always wondered if girls had "family jewels", now we know. Anyway, the secrets out now, the next celebrity robbed in Paris is getting a full cavity search thanks to Gwyneth.
Village Idiot for 28 Jan 2017, Madonna
Madonna Wants to Blow Up the White House?
At one of the recent Women's Marches around the world Madonna said something that got everyone's attention, including the Secret Service. During the Women's March on Washington Madonna said "thought an awful lot about blowing up the White House". Madonna has since said it was a metaphor and taken out of context. The bad news is she's probably on a no fly list by now, the good news is Gitmo weather is lovely this time of year.
"I never really had a childhood. I was around adults all the time. My favorite book when I was eight was Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex - But Were Afriad to Ask. I was not afraid to ask." Drew Barrymore
"Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken by the sea." Jessica Simpson
"Drugs have nothing to do with the creation of music. in fact, they are dumb and self indulgent. Kind of like sucking your thumb." Courtney Love