Celebrity Blonde:
Christina AguileraDate of Birth: 18 December 1980
Place of Birth: USA
Profession: Singer
Quote: "Call me a slag. If it means being a strong woman, I'll gladly be that."
Appearances: 49
Idiot Status:
17 November 2012 Idiot Status -
We're too stupid for Christina's music. With her last album 'Bionic' barely selling 300,000 copies, Christina has gone on the defensive saying only "a music person" would understand it. Christina discusses the album saying it "had a lot of amazing sounds and a futuristic twist to it. But if you weren't a music person, it was just going to go over your head." Christina goes on to say "I really think it was far ahead of its time and it'll be fully appreciated in the years to come." I'm sure once the human race has evolved past the need for ears and we exist as pure energy on some cosmic plane of existence her music will be "appreciated" as the crap we currently know it to be.
3 November 2012 Idiot Status -
She likes us, she really likes us. In a recent Q&A at the Billboard/Hollywood Reporter Film & TV Conference Miss Aguilera commented on her image in the tabloids and online blogs. Christina said "I don't read blogs. It's just God-knows-who in Buttfuck wherever writing hate shit. You can't take it seriously. I'm sure you've all been hated on at some point by buttfuck people." Oh my God, she knows where I live? I really need to move out of Buttfuck, but where do I go? Sure Anusruns has it's beautiful river which would be nice except for the smell. I hear Sphincter Stretch is nice but the humidity there is unbearable.
6 October 2012 Idiot Status -
Chubby Christina is here to stay, deal with it. Christina complained to Billboard magazine saying "During the promotion of my album 'Stripped', I got tired of being a skinny, white girl. I am Ecuadorian but people felt so safe passing me off as a skinny, blue-eyed white girl." During her second album "Lotus" she let loose "You are working with a fat girl. Know it now and get over it." So you mean all those times she was in barely there outfits gyrating as a sexually free women it was all a marketing ruse? And here I thought she was a strong free spirited women fighting for a women's right to express themselves, albeit in a slutty way. There you have it, paycheck beats moral standings, it also beats rock but not scissors.
2 June 2012 Idiot Status -
No money, mo problems. Christina's new man Matthew is desperate to officially tie down Christina after a year of carrying her bags but doesn't have the cash to wed the behemoth let alone feed her. A source claims "Christina is bothered that Matthew has no money and no real job of his own," and "He admitted that if she did agree to marry him, he'd have to borrow money from her to buy an engagement ring." Well isn't that romantic, "Here's that money you lent me in the form of a shiny new diamond ring - minus my cut for shipping and handling." I'll give her credit, she doesn't go for guys based on money or looks, maybe she feeds off their desperation.
11 February 2012 Idiot Status -
Colossal Christina, take 8. Christina Aguilera has been annoying fellow judges Blake and Cee Lo on 'The Voice' insisting on multiple shots to make her look less fat. An insider revealed "Christina holds up production with her constant demands, saying, Don't make me look fat or Don't show my butt" Going on to say "She's insisted the camera men only shoot her at flattering angles... and she's always ordering the makeup artists to make her face look thinner" They say the camera adds 10lb's, I'm not sure where the other half ton came in. The only other shooting option involves paying NASA for satellite imagery, hardly cost effective in these troubled times.
14 January 2012 Idiot Status -
Colossal Christina couldn't care less about your gag reflex. While promoting her TV show 'The Voice', chubby Christina tried to convince
22 October 2011 Idiot Status -
Chubby Aguilera. The long standing feud between Kelly Osborne and Christina Aguilera took centre stage again with Kelly commenting on Christina's fashion sense on E!'s "Fashion Police." Kelly said "Trust me. I'm a [size] 2/4. That is not a 2/4," going on to say "She called me fat for years, I was never that fat." At this stage I would normally shout out "cat fight" and jump up and down at the prospect of a girl on girl slap fest but considering the opponents I don't think my crotch is really into it. This however would be the perfect excuse for mud wrestling, make them feel more at home.
27 August 2011 Idiot Status -
Christina's child care critique. Recent photo's of Christina's kid, Max, show him with a black eye. Speculation was Christina's "erratic behaviour and alleged booze-filled outings" may have had something to do with the shiner. This idea was soon shit canned after the nanny said young Max was chasing squirrels and tripped over a rock. A likely story from the hired help. With all the money she piles into make-up supplies to make herself somewhat presentable in public, you would think she could at least try to cover it up a little. Then again, it is free publicity.
5 March 2011 Idiot Status -
Christina off to the drunk tank. Dirty Aguilera was arrested along with her boyfriend, Matthew Rutler - Matthew for a DUI and Christina for public intoxication. Police said Christina seemed "extremely intoxicated" and was "unable to take care of herself." Sources close to Christina say they have been trying for weeks to get her in rehab. Dignity, meet jail cell. Fame and fortune, you'll have to wait outside. The scary thing, besides Christina herself, is the fact that despite her recent trail of destruction she'll still probably end up with the kid in the divorce.
12 February 2011 Idiot Status -
She's taking you down with her. After a failed marriage and pathetic attempt at acting, Christina decided you needed to feel her suffering and took an axe to the American national anthem. Christina, who supposedly has been singing the national anthem since she was 7, screwed up at Super Bowl XLV repeating lines and generally making people suffer with her incessant yodelling/warbling/screeching. Christina tried to explain herself saying "I got so caught up in the moment of the song that I lost my place, I can only hope that everyone could feel my love for this country and that the true spirit of its anthem still came through." She must be a masochist with that kind of loving
