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31 July 2004 Idiot Status -

According to reports Jessica is to become one of the X-men. Apparently Jessica landed a role in the third "X-men" movie weeks after landing the role as Daisy in "The Dukes of Hazzard" movie. Jessica is set to be mutant freak 'Dazzler'. Apparently the character Dazzler's super power is the ability to turn sound into light, I can't wait to see one of Jessica's infamous power belches. Taking Jessica's attention span and ability to remember lines into consideration, I've got a feeling it's going to take awhile for both movies to be made.

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4 September 2004 Idiot Status -

According to reports Jessica was devastated when her favourite actress, Meryl Streep, didn't recognise her. Apparently Jessica approached Meryl at a gas station to compliment her on her movie career but was shocked when Meryl asked who she was. Meryl later apologized and said "I'm sure my kids know who you are." What?! She didn't recognise teen fluff Jessica Simpson, gasp, shock, horror. How could Meryl not recognise one of pops biggest chests ... um ... stars. Frankly I'm surprised Jessica even knows who Meryl is, I can't see Jessica watching anything more complicated than the Teletubbies.

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15 January 2005 Idiot Status -

Jessica's the butt of all joke's. According to reports Jessica is tired of being teased by co-stars Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott about the size of her butt on the set of "The Dukes of Hazard" movie. An insider says "They have been saying her butt looks big compared to the original Daisy. They know she's sensitive about it." Does this make my butt look big? If she's worried about it now, just wait 'till it's on the big screen, look out J-Lo. I wonder if it's because of all that chicken she eats, or was it fish? Don't worry Jessica, I'm sure Nick finds your butt irresistible.

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5 March 2005 Idiot Status -

Jessica's short comings. Apparently Jessica admitted that her mother use to stretch Jessica's legs every night. Jessica said "My mom was so worried that I would grow up looking strange. So every night before I went to bed, she would pull my legs and stretch them so they would be in proportion with the rest of my body." Jessica's mom replied "Well, they were just so short!" Brings new meaning to "Pull the other one". Well at least we know where Jessica gets her common sense from. I think social services may have to step in if Nick and Jessica ever have a kid. Can you imagine Jessica's parenting techniques, "Nick you grab that ankle..."

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9 April 2005 Idiot Status -

Not so naughty Jessica. While most would wait for their mid life crisis, Jessica has decided to track hers down and make good with it now. Reminiscing on days gone bye, Jessica revealed that she regretted being so uptight. Jessica said "I've always been the goody-goody. I never did anything bad at school. I probably drove everybody crazy. I regret not rebelling now." Oh Jessica, I'm sure you'll have more than enough time to regret all the stupid things to come.

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12 November 2005 Idiot Status -

Jessica's "mental" meltdown. According to reports rumours of the pending break up of the not so new newlyweds, Jessica and husband Nick Lachey, have left poor Jessica in a frazzled state. Apparently Jessica has been having such a hard time dealing with the rumours that she now visits a shrink. Jessica told Teen People "I respect knowledge of the psyche. I would be a therapist if I weren't an entertainer. Hopefully mine and Nick's story will continue for the rest of our lives, like what we vowed, through sickness and in health." Somehow I doubt Jessica would be a therapist, unless she had a contract with a funeral home and a wide enough ledge. "Yes, theres another one outside, I don't know why!"

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4 February 2006 Idiot Status -

Busty boobs are Jessica's best buddies. It seems that the ex-Newlywed is keen to get back into the dating arena with self promotion tactics usually reserved for late night infomercials. Apparently Jessica told Heat magazine "I have amazing boobs. They’re just perfect." Jessica went on to say "At school, my boobs were bigger than all my friends and I was afraid to show them. Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory." With a sales pitch like that who wouldn't be on their knee's begging for a glimpse. I wonder if there's a 30 day money back guarantee?

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11 March 2006 Idiot Status -

It seems that the once civilized breakup of the 'Newly Weds', Nick and Jessica, has made a turn for the worse, for Jessica at least. Apparently Jessica's soon to be ex-husband, Nick Lachey, is reserving the right to seek spousal support which he is entitled to since no prenup was signed. At the time of their marriage Nick was earning more than Jessica and it was Jessica's father who convinced them not to sign a prenup. Don't you just hate it when a plan fall's apart? So much for avoiding a prenup, thanks daddy dearest. All we need now is the tell all book and finish it up with a hotter, younger babe on your arm whenever you bump into her.

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1 April 2006 Idiot Status -

It seems that Jessica doesn't know a good thing when she sees it. Apparently while in Washington lobbying congress for funding of her favourite charity, Operation Smile, Jessica turned down an invitation to meet George W and other congressional leaders at a republican fund raiser. It's a good thing she didn't, experts predict that when two black holes of intelligence meet the outcome is often disastrous. Maybe if they changed it from "republican fund raiser" to "Hillbilly ho-down", she would have made an exception.

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10 June 2006 Idiot Status -

Desperate Daisy. Life & Style Weekly reports that Jessica regrets breaking up with ex-hubby/co-star, Nick Lachey. The magazine claims Jessica told a friend “I’m tired of being alone... When I was with Nick, I had someone who understood what I was going through.” Staring at cleavage and nodding while you mutter on about chicken/tuna doesn't necessarily mean he understands, hell, even a trained monkey would go along for the view. I wonder if she's considered a monkey?

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