Legally Blonde

A Blonde and a Brunette are late for work and so the Brunette, who is driving, tells the Blonde to look out the back window to see if the cop's where following them while they speed to work. "Do you see the cop's yet?" asked the Brunette. "Yes" said the Blonde. "Are they close?" asked the Brunette. "Yes" said the Blonde. "Are they going to pull us over?" asked the Brunette. "I don't know" said the Blonde. "Well are their light's on?" asked the Brunette. The Blonde replies "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes ...."

One day a Blonde buy's a home-made still for brewing liquor and was outraged when a surprise raid resulted in him being arrested. The judge explained that although they found no liquor they found the apparatus for brewing it and that was enough evidence. "You might as well convict me of rape then" yelled the Blonde. The judge explained that there was no evidence that he had raped anyone. "Yes" said the Blonde "but I've got the apparatus."

One day a Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead were caught behind enemy line's and where sentenced to death by the a firing squad. The leader yelled "READY ... AIM ..." and just then the Redhead yelled "Tornado!" and when they all turned around to look she ran away. So the leader started again "READY ... AIM ..." just then the Brunette yelled "Flood!" and ran away when they turned away to look. Next was the Blonde, and the leader started again "READY ... AIM ..." seeing the pattern the Blonde yelled out "Fire!"

A Blonde comes home one day to find that she had been burgled and so she phone's the police. The first to arrive at the scene was a member of the K9 unit. Just then the Blonde comes out slap's her hand to her forehead and say's "My house has just been robbed and now they send me a blind policeman."

Q: When is it legal to shoot a Blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it.

Q: Did you hear about the Blonde that robbed a bank?
A: She tied up the safe and blew the guard.

Q: What did the Blonde yell during the emergency?
A: What's the number for 911?

Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a government bond?
A: The bond matures eventually.

Q: What did the Blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'The fuzz'?
A: No, but I've been swung around by the tits.

Q: What do you do if a Blonde throw's a pin at you?
A: Run! She's got the grenade in her mouth.

Q: What's the difference between a Blonde having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

A state trooper pulls a Blonde in a sports car over for speeding. While he is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license is. "You know, that little card in your wallet that has that picture of you on it ?" he has come to the decision that she is a pretty hot babe. Finally, after she gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration. Getting another blank Blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper with you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment." Excited "Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is tearing through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his 'member' out. Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no! Not another breathalyzer test!"

Three women escaped from prison. One was a Redhead, one a Brunette, and one a Blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks." The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the Redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it. Then he kicked the sack with the Brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the Blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the Blonde said, "Potatoes".

While at court the judge asked the Blonde why she had parked in that particular spot. The Blonde replied and said "because it said FINE FOR PARKING"

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know, there are some things even a Blonde won't do.

Q: Did you hear about the new Blonde hoodlum?
A: She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences.

One day a Blonde walking late at night see's a man in a river drowning and so dived in and rescued him. At 6 the next morning a policeman knock's on the Blondes door and asked if he hadsaved a man from drowning. "Yes" answered the Blonde . "Well I'm sorry to tell you that he hanged himself from a tree" said the officer. "Really?" said the Blonde "And I just put him there to dry."

A police officer stops a Blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license . She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your stupid act together. Just yesterday you take away my license, and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

The night before a Blonde was supposed to appear in court he met his friend at the pub. Hearing the situation his friend advised him to send the judge some fresh salmon before hand. The next day the man tells his lawyer what his friend had told him but the lawyer advised him not to do it as they would lose the case as they where already in a difficult position. Later on they end up winning, to the amazement of the lawyer. "Did you send the judge the salmon?" asked the lawyer. "Well, yes" replied the Blonde "but I put the other side's name on it."

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead where going to be executed in France by guillotine. The Brunette requested to be executed face up. When the lever was pulled, the blade stopped one inch from her neck. She was released for they believed god had spared her for her bravery. The Redhead requested to be executed face up and it again stopped one inch from her neck, she too was released. The Blonde requested face up as well and just as they were about to pull the lever, the Blonde screamed "Wait! I think I see the problem."