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Gwyneth Paltrow Gossip and News
Village Idiot for 4 Feb 2017, Gwyneth Paltrow
Gwyneth Knows Where You Can Stick It
Gwyneth Paltrow has moved on from steaming her vagina and is now recommending you stick jade eggs up there instead. However, as you might have guessed a few doctors have come out and recommended not sticking jade eggs in your vagina because modern science or something. I always wondered if girls had "family jewels", now we know. Anyway, the secrets out now, the next celebrity robbed in Paris is getting a full cavity search thanks to Gwyneth.
Village Idiot for 7 Jan 2017, Gwyneth Paltrow
Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Aim at Chris Martin
Gwyneth Paltrow says her ex Chris Martin would "take a bullet for her", whether he wants to or not I assume. In an interview with InStyle Gwyneth talked about her relationship with her conscious uncoupling partner saying "And to this day, Chris would take a bullet for me," Paltrow adds, "even though I'm not his wife." Does she know that after the divorce he removed her from his will? I'm pretty sure the kids are the only ones getting something out of this theory of hers.
Village Idiot for 24 Dec 2016, Gwyneth Paltrow
Can You Help Gwyneth Paltrow with her G Spot?
The always creative Miss Paltrow has created a travel app called G. Spotting. It's basically a group of guides organized by personality type like foodie and hipster because why pretend to be normal now. Gwyneth even said she prefers to ask truck drivers where to get pizza instead of hotel concierge. That's right people, Gwyneth Paltrow, her lady bits and truck drivers all in one post. You do the math.
Village Idiot for 26 Nov 2016, Gwyneth Paltrow
Gwyneth has Some Interesting World Views
Gwyneth Paltrow revealed her views on the world at a recent AirBnB conference which looked at everything from raising her children to US politics. To start with when asked about traveling with children she jokingly recommended "Xanax and alcohol". She went on to politics saying it was "an exciting time to be an American" despite the divide in the country. I suppose everything's exciting when you start the day with Gwyneth's custom Xanax and alcohol cocktail. Not now kids, mommies thinking about who to vote for.
Village Idiot for 1 Oct 2016, Gwyneth Paltrow
You Guys Need to Stop Being Sexist
Gwyneth thinks she gets no respect because we're all sexist. In an interview with Lena Dunham, Gwyneth talked about GOOP saying "Everybody wants you in the caricature of you if you're a woman" and "If you start to cast that off, it makes people very uncomfortable," We hate her because shes a girl, so that settles that. It has nothing to do with the ridiculousness of her steamed vagina practices or hawking over priced crap.
Village Idiot for 13 Aug 2016, Gwyneth Paltrow
Goop Consciously Uncouples from Goop
Gwyneth Paltrow has decided to distance herself from her lifestyle brand that was even named after her, Goop. Gwyneth said "My dream is that one day no one would remember that I have anything to do with it." That's quite the sales pitch. It doesn't matter how much she tries to distance herself, her steamed vagina practices will always precede her Oscar glory.
Village Idiot for 30 Jul 2016, Gwyneth Paltrow
Everybody Hates Gwyneth
Readers of Star magazine have voted Miss Paltrow as the "Most Hated Celebrity" above all others. When asked what she thought about it Gwyneth replied "First of all, I was like, 'I'm the most hated celebrity? More than, like, Chris Brown?'" she asked. "What did I do?" The people have spoken, no amount of vaginal steam cleaning or fad diets will ease the discomfort of this title.
Village Idiot for 7 May 2016, Gwyneth Paltrow
Gwyneth Paltrow has Sex?
In a recent interview with SELF magazine Miss Paltrow talked about her love of sex. Gwyneth told the magazine "We have this idea that you can't be a mother and a businesswoman and like to have sex!" going on to say "Like, 'Gwyneth has sex? Really?' It doesn't seem to go together." Wait a minute, Gwyneth has sex? Really? I thought she conceived her children through conscious embryonic coupling.
Village Idiot for 9 Apr 2016, Gwyneth Paltrow
Gwyneth Insists on Pain for Beauty
Miss Paltrow's latest beauty treatment involves being stung by bees. Gwyneth told The New York Times "I'm open to anything. I've been stung by bees. It's a thousands of years old treatment called apitherapy. People use it to get rid of inflammation and scarring" Next week on GOOP's old-timey beauty treatment's we'll head back to the 18th century and try skin whitening with lead based makeup.
Village Idiot for 26 Mar 2016, Gwyneth Paltrow
Gwyneth is Quitting Acting
Miss Paltrow has decided to give up acting and instead pursue organic anal bleaching or whatever it is Goop does. Gwyneth said "We took some investment last year, so as soon as we had other people's money, I realized I really better focus on this completely," she explained. "I'll return to acting probably, but probably not right now." It's hard work doing 1 or 2 movies a year, better focus on those all important quinoa smoothie recipes instead.