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Christina Aguilera Gossip and News
Village Idiot for 5 Sep 2015, Christina Aguilera
Christina Will Show You How to Get Ahead in the Music Business
Christina Aguilera has signed up with MasterClass to be a singing teacher. The $90 lesson includes video lessons, interactive exercises, learning materials, and workbooks. Along with her warbling and yodeling lessons there will also be classes on wearing the bare minimum MTV can air on TV because how else do you steal attention from your arch rival Britney Spears without getting a little dirrty?
Village Idiot for 8 Aug 2015, Christina Aguilera
Christina's Money Man
Christina Aguilera has apparently handed control of her finances to her baby daddy which her friends aren't happy about. "It's odd for Christina, but over the years, she's handed over a lot of financial responsibility to Mathew," says a friend. "Marrying means he'd be in complete control." That's blonde money management for you, give your money to the guy who wasn't responsible enough to wear a condom.
Village Idiot for 3 Jan 2015, Christina Aguilera
The Happiest Place on Earth, Until Now
Christina called Mickey Mouse an asshole while celebrating her birthday at Disneyland. It all started when Christina and her crew tried to get a pic with Mickey, but he was going on a break. Sources say "Aguilera lost it, and called Mickey an asshole. We're told she even dropped the dreaded, 'Do you know who I am?'" She's an ex-mouseketeer, that 17 year-old dressed as Mickey Mouse has higher seniority than her.
Village Idiot for 23 Aug 2014, Christina Aguilera
Another Celebrity Baby naming Conundrum
Christina Aguilera confirmed via Twitter that she has given birth to her second child by her second soon-to-be husband. Christina tweeted "So proud to welcome our beautiful daughter Summer Rain Rutler into the world." She finally broke even with long time frenemy Brit Twit, 2 kids each, lets call it a tie. While we're at it can we have their tubes tied?
Village Idiot for 22 Feb 2014, Christina Aguilera
Christina Aguilera is Pregnant Again?
Not only did Christina Aguilera announce she is engaged to production assistant Matt Rutler but new reports say she's pregnant too. This will be Christina's second child, with her second husband-to-be. This can only mean one thing, somebody forgot the 2 sugars. Next time I say I want 2 sugars in my coffee, I want 2 sugars. I know assistants are supposed to do all the crap nobody else wants to do, but making the poor guy impregnate and now marry Christina seem's a little harsh.
Village Idiot for 17 Nov 2012, Christina Aguilera
We're too Stupid for Christina's Music
With her last album 'Bionic' barely selling 300,000 copies, Christina has gone on the defensive saying only "a music person" would understand it. Christina discusses the album saying it "had a lot of amazing sounds and a futuristic twist to it. But if you weren't a music person, it was just going to go over your head." Christina goes on to say "I really think it was far ahead of its time and it'll be fully appreciated in the years to come." I'm sure once the human race has evolved past the need for ears and we exist as pure energy on some cosmic plane of existence her music will be "appreciated" as the crap we currently know it to be.
Village Idiot for 3 Nov 2012, Christina Aguilera
She likes us, She really likes us
In a recent Q&A at the Billboard/Hollywood Reporter Film & TV Conference Miss Aguilera commented on her image in the tabloids and online blogs. Christina said "I don't read blogs. It's just God-knows-who in Buttfuck wherever writing hate shit. You can't take it seriously. I'm sure you've all been hated on at some point by buttfuck people." Oh my God, she knows where I live? I really need to move out of Buttfuck, but where do I go? Sure Anusruns has it's beautiful river which would be nice except for the smell. I hear Sphincter Stretch is nice but the humidity there is unbearable.
Village Idiot for 6 Oct 2012, Christina Aguilera
Chubby Christina is here to stay, deal with it. Christina complained to Billboard magazine saying "During the promotion of my album 'Stripped', I got tired of being a skinny, white girl. I am Ecuadorian but people felt so safe passing me off as a skinny, blue-eyed white girl." During her second album "Lotus" she let loose "You are working with a fat girl. Know it now and get over it." So you mean all those times she was in barely there outfits gyrating as a sexually free women it was all a marketing ruse? And here I thought she was a strong free spirited women fighting for a women's right to express themselves, albeit in a slutty way. There you have it, paycheck beats moral standings, it also beats rock but not scissors.
Village Idiot for 2 Jun 2012, Christina Aguilera
No Money, Mo Problems
Christina's new man Matthew is desperate to officially tie down Christina after a year of carrying her bags but doesn't have the cash to wed the behemoth let alone feed her. A source claims "Christina is bothered that Matthew has no money and no real job of his own," and "He admitted that if she did agree to marry him, he'd have to borrow money from her to buy an engagement ring." Well isn't that romantic, "Here's that money you lent me in the form of a shiny new diamond ring - minus my cut for shipping and handling." I'll give her credit, she doesn't go for guys based on money or looks, maybe she feeds off their desperation.
Village Idiot for 11 Feb 2012, Christina Aguilera
Colossal Christina, take 8
Christina Aguilera has been annoying fellow judges Blake and Cee Lo on 'The Voice' insisting on multiple shots to make her look less fat. An insider revealed "Christina holds up production with her constant demands, saying, Don't make me look fat or Don't show my butt" Going on to say "She's insisted the camera men only shoot her at flattering angles... and she's always ordering the makeup artists to make her face look thinner" They say the camera adds 10lb's, I'm not sure where the other half ton came in. The only other shooting option involves paying NASA for satellite imagery, hardly cost effective in these troubled times.