Scream Queen

Heather Locklear revived her soap-opera days by getting into a fight with her boyfriend Chris Heisser and biting a piece of his nose off. It gets worse, when 4 police officers arrived she punched 2 officers, kicked 1 in the nuts and called the other a "cunt" before being arrested for domestic violence and 3 counts of misdemeanor battery on a peace officer. An officer said "She claimed to be injured, but we didn't see any sign of that, We determined she had battered her boyfriend." Well damn, that escalated quickly. They'll have to put a muzzle on her to be safe.

Serial traffic offender, Heather Locklear, was arrested after a hit and run with a "No Parking" sign outside her gated Ventura County property. Heathers attorney stated "The matter is still being looked into as it is not yet clear who was driving the vehicle." If you want to make mainstream headlines you'll need to aim for a paparazzi or two, have you learnt nothing from the Britney Spears school of driving?

Heather Locklear was arrested by the California Highway Patrol on suspicion of driving under the influence of a controlled substance after someone phoned 911 complaining about an "erratic" driver. A witness said "Locklear showed bizarre behaviour, driving back and forth over a pair of sunglasses on the pavement and revving her engine. After leaving the parking lot, she stopped her car on the street and stumbled into the traffic lane," Her first phone call from prison was to William Shatner only to realize TJ Hooker couldn't help.

Breaking the all the rules imposed on BFF's, Denise Richards has been seen about town with Heather's ex-hubby, Richie Sambora. Apparently Heather is furious with Denise and wants nothing to do with her ever again. Now that's one cat fight I want to see, preferably in skimpy clothing, oh and baby oil, don't forget the baby oil. I personally don't see what the problem is, after all is it really a crime when you steal a man like Richie? Maybe she should thank her for "Taking one for the team".

Heather gets so much free makeup from companies that she likes to invite all her girlfriends around to have a "girls only" sleepover where she shares her makeup collection. She even hires a professional makeup artist to give everyone a makeover. The makeup artist must be pretty expensive, all those hours applying polyfiller and pounds of makeup to get 'ol Heather looking decent must knock up the hourly rates.