By Mike Kaplan (DefenseImagery) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson

10 July 1980, USA

"I kinda want to be the Reese Witherspoon of the music industry... the girl next door who wears a great dress and has great hair."
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Jessica Simpson Gossip and News - Page 6

Village Idiot for 22 Jul 2006, Jessica Simpson

Up, Up and Away

Jessica has revealed that she would consider a boob job if the burden of birth necessitated it. One time Daisy Duke, full time air head, Jessica said "If I have kids, and they're hanging to my waist, that's when I might start to think about having something done to them." she then added "Right now, they're perky and cute." Perky and Cute? I'll be the judge of that.
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 10 Jun 2006, Jessica Simpson

Desperate Daisy

Life & Style Weekly reports that Jessica regrets breaking up with ex-hubby/co-star, Nick Lachey. The magazine claims Jessica told a friend "I'm tired of being alone... When I was with Nick, I had someone who understood what I was going through." Staring at cleavage and nodding while you mutter on about chicken/tuna doesn't necessarily mean he understands, hell, even a trained monkey would go along for the view. I wonder if she's considered a monkey?
Village Idiot for 1 Apr 2006, Jessica Simpson

Meeting the President

While in Washington lobbying congress for funding of her favourite charity, Operation Smile, Jessica turned down an invitation to meet George W and other congressional leaders at a republican fund raiser. It's a good thing she didn't, experts predict that when two black holes of intelligence meet the outcome is often disastrous. Maybe if they changed it from "republican fund raiser" to "Hillbilly ho-down", she would have made an exception.
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 11 Mar 2006, Jessica Simpson

Spousal Support

It seems that the once civilized breakup of the 'Newly Weds', Nick and Jessica, has made a turn for the worse, for Jessica at least. Apparently Jessica's soon to be ex-husband, Nick Lachey, is reserving the right to seek spousal support which he is entitled to since no prenup was signed. At the time of their marriage Nick was earning more than Jessica and it was Jessica's father who convinced them not to sign a prenup. Don't you just hate it when a plan fall's apart? So much for avoiding a prenup, thanks daddy dearest. All we need now is the tell all book and finish it up with a hotter, younger babe on your arm whenever you bump into her.
Village Idiot for 4 Feb 2006, Jessica Simpson

Jessica's Best Buddies

It seems that the ex-Newlywed is keen to get back into the dating arena with self promotion tactics usually reserved for late night infomercials. Apparently Jessica told Heat magazine "I have amazing boobs. They're just perfect." Jessica went on to say "At school, my boobs were bigger than all my friends and I was afraid to show them. Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory." With a sales pitch like that who wouldn't be on their knee's begging for a glimpse. I wonder if there's a 30 day money back guarantee?
Village Idiot for 12 Nov 2005, Jessica Simpson

Mental Meltdown

Rumours of the pending break up of the not so new newlyweds, Jessica and husband Nick Lachey, have left poor Jessica in a frazzled state. Apparently Jessica has been having such a hard time dealing with the rumours that she now visits a shrink. Jessica told Teen People "I respect knowledge of the psyche. I would be a therapist if I weren't an entertainer. Hopefully mine and Nick's story will continue for the rest of our lives, like what we vowed, through sickness and in health." Somehow I doubt Jessica would be a therapist, unless she had a contract with a funeral home and a wide enough ledge. "Yes, there's another one outside, I don't know why!"
Village Idiot for 9 Apr 2005, Jessica Simpson

Not so Naughty Jessica

While most would wait for their mid life crisis, Jessica has decided to track hers down and make good with it now. Reminiscing on days gone bye, Jessica revealed that she regretted being so uptight. Jessica said "I've always been the goody-goody. I never did anything bad at school. I probably drove everybody crazy. I regret not rebelling now." Oh Jessica, I'm sure you'll have more than enough time to regret all the stupid things to come.
Really Dumb
Village Idiot for 5 Mar 2005, Jessica Simpson

Jessica's Short Comings

Apparently Jessica admitted that her mother use to stretch Jessica's legs every night. Jessica said "My mom was so worried that I would grow up looking strange. So every night before I went to bed, she would pull my legs and stretch them so they would be in proportion with the rest of my body." Jessica's mom replied "Well, they were just so short!" Brings new meaning to "Pull the other one". Well at least we know where Jessica gets her common sense from. I think social services may have to step in if Nick and Jessica ever have a kid. Can you imagine Jessica's parenting techniques, "Nick you grab that ankle..."
Village Idiot for 15 Jan 2005, Jessica Simpson

The Butt of the Joke

Jessica is tired of being teased by co-stars Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott about the size of her butt on the set of "The Dukes of Hazard" movie. An insider says "They have been saying her butt looks big compared to the original Daisy. They know she's sensitive about it." If she's worried about it now, just wait 'till it's on the big screen. I wonder if it's because of all that chicken she eats, or was it fish? Don't worry Jessica, I'm sure Nick finds your butt irresistible.
Really Dumb
Village Idiot for 4 Sep 2004, Jessica Simpson

Famous Much?

Jessica was devastated when her favourite actress, Meryl Streep, didn't recognize her. Jessica approached Meryl at a gas station to compliment her on her movie career but was shocked when Meryl asked who she was. Meryl later apologized and said "I'm sure my kids know who you are." What?! She didn't recognize teen fluff Jessica Simpson, gasp, shock, horror. How could Meryl not recognize one of pops biggest chests... um... stars?
Really Dumb