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Britney Spears

Britney Spears

2 December 1981, USA

"I trip and I burp and I fart, like everybody else."
Stupid x 161

Britney Spears Gossip and News - Page 5

Village Idiot for 27 Oct 2012, Britney Spears

Chrome Dome Protection

In the never ending lawsuit between Britney and her former manager, Sam Lutfi, Britney's infamous shaved head scandal was brought up in court with Sam's lawyer saying Britney shaved her head in an attempt to hide the fact she was on Crystal Meth. Knowing the drugs could be detected with hair samples Britney took the drastic decision to shave her head but at the time Sam told a reporter "I think she was just expressing her independence and her freedom... there's nothing wrong with Britney... She's awesome" Of course there's nothing wrong with her, what sane women doesn't shave of their hair to express their independence and freedom? Sure, normally it's in a more intimate area, but Britney's a trend starter. Shaving your pubes is so '90s. She does the opposite to shake things up. That and Crystal Meth makes you do stupid shit.
Village Idiot for 26 May 2012, Britney Spears

I laugh at your $15 million and demand Potato Salad!

Along with a ridiculous pay check Brit Twit also has a list of demands from "six cases of Diet Coke containing 24 cans" to "10 snack size bags of Doritos for her and her team a day, 12 vases of magnolia blossoms in her dressing room, 10 pieces of chicken and four pints of potato salad every week." According to LOOK magazine Britney also requires a beauty team which includes a personal manicurist, a facialist and a massage therapist and a brown paper bag if all else fails. To get her out of her trailer they open the Doritos and sprinkle them in a long line to her seat with the other judges. Sit! Stay! Good girl.
Village Idiot for 12 May 2012, Britney Spears

Britney the Oxymoron, now with Oxy

Brit twit has officially signed up to be a judge on the X-Factor earning $15-16 million. Britney will be joining Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid in the upcoming second season with no word who the fourth judge will be. Is it really fair having Britney judge talent? She barely has any and her judgement skills are questionable at best. Maybe this is all a ploy. First episode I see Britney arriving only to have crazy head shaven Paula Abdul jump out and attack her with an umbrella, or is that the other way round?
Really Dumb
Village Idiot for 14 Apr 2012, Britney Spears

The Gift that keeps on Giving

Britney's dad supposedly asked a court back in January to make her future husband, Jason Trawick, co-conservator. Sources told People magazine "Trawick will only have shared legal control over Spears' general well being - not her finances, according to the source. In general, a conservator can make decisions over a person's food, clothing and medical care. But Spears has plenty of personal freedom and the conservatorship is just a formality" Ka-ching! Introducing K-Fed 2.0 - now with co-conservator powers "Eat ya green's bitch!" The breeding program of endangered panda's has had less set backs and controversy than Britney's love life.
Village Idiot for 28 Jan 2012, Britney Spears

Early Wedding Gift

You're free! Brit Twits dad, Jamie Spears, has asked a judge to end his conservatorship over his cash cow daughter. A source said "Jamie wants to go to court in early February so Britney will be a free woman in every sense when she marries." It's the moment every father dreams of, watching his daughter walk down the isle of the courtroom to be declared relatively sane.

"Will you, Judge, declare my daughter legally competent, from this day forth? I do."
"And do you, Britney, promise to avoid sharp and shiny objects? I do"
"I know pronounce you legal tender for your new husband to cash in."
Village Idiot for 21 Jan 2012, Britney Spears

Spank me Baby one more Time

Ex-babysitter, Fernando Flores, claims to have a million dollar book deal which is said to reveal Britney's sexual antic's while on tour. Flores says "Britney has a huge sexual appetite..." going on to say "I heard stories of threesomes, orgies, girls making out - things that would make your hair stand on end" This guy is really milking the whole sexual harassment thing isn't he? This sounds more like a script from the American Pie franchise "This one time at band camp on tour I stuck a flute..."
Really Dumb
Village Idiot for 10 Dec 2011, Britney Spears

You're, nom, nom, nom, Fired!

Brit Twit has fired her trainer, Derek DeGrazio, after he made her eat nutritious foods in moderate portions. A source told In Touch "It was amicable, Britney, 30, doesn't want to worry about every single thing that goes into her mouth anymore. She knows Jason loves her no matter what..." Considering her previous genetic contributors she should be more worried about what enters other orifices. Good to know he loves her no matter what, provided of course she's still stinking rich. Stinking - check, Rich - check.
Village Idiot for 3 Sep 2011, Britney Spears

Teach my baby one more time

Brit twit said in a telephone interview that she would have been a teacher. When asked what her life would have been like had she not been a pop star Britney responded "It would probably pretty much be the same because I'm very strong in the way I raise my kids and stuff, so it would probably be pretty much the same but career-wise I'd probably be a teacher." Asked what she would specialize in she responded "I'd specialize in reading and history." I never knew there were pop-up books about history? I'm still curious as to what her "very strong" method of raising her kids is? I'm not familiar with the trailer park methodology.
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 18 Jun 2011, Britney Spears

Damn you 2012

Damn you 2012, either way you get what you want. Brit Twit is getting married, again. Britney is now engaged to her former manager, Jason Trawick, who proposed to her by writing a romantic poem and filling the ground floor of their Los Angeles mansion with candles and roses. A source said "Britney's desperate to settle down again and have more children. But she is very traditional and didn't want to start a family with Jason until they'd tied the knot." I'm not sure what shocks me more, the fact that she wants more children or the fact the she is "traditional" and wants to be married first. I don't remember her vagina being so picky back in the 90's.
Village Idiot for 14 May 2011, Britney Spears

Britney Mentally Incapable?

Well duh! Brit's ex manager, Sam Lufti, wants Britney to testify in court against her mothers damning description of Sam in her memoirs. Sam asked for a psychiatric evaluation after Britney's parents objected saying she was "mentally incapable" to take the stand. Since then Sam has tried to use a recent interview Britney did with Ryan Seacrest as proof that she is capable of responding "logically and coherently to questions". There is over a decade's worth of publicity that can barely prove Britney has any discernible talent, and he wants to squeeze some sanity out of a single interview? Objection your honour. Sustained.