Village Idiot for 19 Jan 2013, Jessica Simpson
By Mike Kaplan (DefenseImagery) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Jessica Simpson as the Village Idiot

Simpson Shocked by Pregnancy

Aren't we all? Jessica Simpson stopped by 'The Tonight Show' to explain how shocked she was to be pregnant again. Jessica told Jay Leno "I was extremely shocked. I was shocked because I was going through a lot of hormonal changes trying to get back to the old, vibrant Jessica. And you know, it was kind of like a one-night stand. And it happened... all over again!" Jessica went on to say "Apparently it was a part of God's plan for my life" Yes, God has a sense of humour, unfortunately the rest of use aren't laughing, well we are, but deep down we're crying. It's going to be a touching moment when Jess explains to her second kid how he came into existence via a one night stand. Damn you "pull out method"!


More Jessica Simpson News

Village Idiot for 3 Jun 2017, Jessica Simpson

Jessica's Uterus is Closed for Business

Mother of two Jessica Simpson has dispelled pregnancy rumours while on the Ellen Show. A ditzy Jessica told Ellen "I'm not pregnant" she said "We got an IUD, nothing's gonna get in that uterus." Pretty sure there will be more genetic material in that uterus but like her brain cells they won't accomplish anything useful.
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 26 Sep 2015, Jessica Simpson

Simpson Drunk/Dumb on TV

During a recent appearance on the Home Shopping Network Jessica Simpson appeared drunk as she giggled and slurred her words. Since then her people have claimed that it was just "part of her personality" and that it "surfaces from time to time". Must fight... dumb blonde urges... Squirrel! hehe. Damn it!
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 6 Jul 2013, Jessica Simpson

Clown Car Vagina fires off another Salvo

Jessica Simpson popped out her second son and named the poor thing "Ace Knute" the second name after fiance, Eric Johnson's, grandfather Knute Rockne. Naturally the twitterverse came alive saying the poor kid would be teased calling him "Ass Nut Johnson" Well that's ridiculous, clearly it would be "Ass Nut Simpson" to keep the Simpson publicity machine turning over for generations to come.
Village Idiot for 20 Apr 2013, Jessica Simpson

Finally, what she's always wanted, a baby... Boy

Jessica toasted her unborn son at a Tom Sawyer-themed baby shower telling people "I'm so excited to have a son... He got all these cute vintage cars and I got a lot of little leather jackets I can't wait to try out!" Jessica went on to say "This pregnancy I'm active, I've only gained half of what I gained in my first pregnancy." So she's only gained "half" the weight, that seems reasonable, I can't imagine the fried chicken industry has had time to regroup from the first pregnancy. Well at least she'll have a man in her life, one she doesn't have to pay to stick around. Wait, pocket money, damn. Happiness denied, again.
Village Idiot for 23 Feb 2013, Jessica Simpson

Child Naming, Aced it

Keen for more publicity Jessica has been telling people she will name her unborn son, Ace. US Weekly reports "[She's] told people she's going to name the baby Ace!" the source told Us Weekly. Simpson, 32, is already mom to 10-month-old daughter Maxwell. The singer hasn't yet revealed how she and Johnson, 33, decided upon the name, however. Yip, the next kid is the ace up her hole, not like the first unplanned one. No this second unplanned kid has potential. This kid could be the next Pet Detective.