Jessica's Uterus is Closed for Business

During a recent appearance on the Home Shopping Network Jessica Simpson appeared drunk as she giggled and slurred her words. Since then her people have claimed that it was just "part of her personality" and that it "surfaces from time to time". Must fight... dumb blonde urges... Squirrel! hehe. Damn it!

Jessica Simpson popped out her second son and named the poor thing "Ace Knute" the second name after fiance, Eric Johnson's, grandfather Knute Rockne. Naturally the twitterverse came alive saying the poor kid would be teased calling him "Ass Nut Johnson" Well that's ridiculous, clearly it would be "Ass Nut Simpson" to keep the Simpson publicity machine turning over for generations to come.

Jessica toasted her unborn son at a Tom Sawyer-themed baby shower telling people "I'm so excited to have a son... He got all these cute vintage cars and I got a lot of little leather jackets I can't wait to try out!" Jessica went on to say "This pregnancy I'm active, I've only gained half of what I gained in my first pregnancy." So she's only gained "half" the weight, that seems reasonable, I can't imagine the fried chicken industry has had time to regroup from the first pregnancy. Well at least she'll have a man in her life, one she doesn't have to pay to stick around. Wait, pocket money, damn. Happiness denied, again.

Keen for more publicity Jessica has been telling people she will name her unborn son, Ace. US Weekly reports "[She's] told people she's going to name the baby Ace!" the source told Us Weekly. Simpson, 32, is already mom to 10-month-old daughter Maxwell. The singer hasn't yet revealed how she and Johnson, 33, decided upon the name, however. Yip, the next kid is the ace up her hole, not like the first unplanned one. No this second unplanned kid has potential. This kid could be the next Pet Detective.