"I'd rather be number one on the worst-dressed list than number two on the best." Nicolette Sheridan
Welcome to the Home of the Dumb Blonde
If it's dumb blondes and celebrities you're looking for then look no further. Blondesville is a protected sanctuary for all those... oh god, another one got it. If you find any stray blondes send them our way.
By Eva Rinaldi (Dolly Parton) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Dolly decided to celebrate her husbands birthday by squeezing her famous curves into the outfit she wore back in 1978. Dolly shared "It's my husband Carl's birthday..." going on to say "Remember some time back I said I was going to pose for Playboy magazine when I was 75? Well, I'm 75 and they don't have a magazine anymore but my husband always loved the original cover of Playboy, so I was trying to think of something to do to make him happy. He still thinks I'm a hot chick after 57 years" Dolly's going to give the poor man a heart attack with all that cleavage.
Monthly Moron for July
Which one of these Blondes won't be vaccinated in time for 4th of July celebrations?
Albert Einstein was walking around heaven one day when he came across a large castle. When no one opened the door after he knocked, he opened the door to find a huge room full of all kinds of clocks. Intrigued by the timepieces, he approached the angel who was overseeing the operation. "What are all these clocks for?" he inquired. "They measure stupidity," answered the angel. "Stupidity?" Einstein was taken aback. The angel nodded. "Every time someone on Earth does something dumb, their clock moves ahead one second. Let me show you." The angel picked up a timepiece and handed it to Einstein. The second hand wasn't moving. "Is it broken?" Einstein inquired. "No," replied the angel. "That's a brunette's clock. She's Japanese as a matter of fact." "Of course," laughed Einstein. "Can you show me any clocks that are moving?" "That's easy," replied the angel. "This one belongs to a young blonde woman, from Sweden." He pointed at a large timepiece, ticking away at a dizzying speed. "Just as I thought," laughed Einstein again. "Well I see you have the clocks of brunette men and women, as well as redheads. But I don't see any clocks belonging to blonde men. Where are they?" "Blonde men?" the angel rolled his eyes. "They're in St Peter's bedroom. He's using them as ceiling fans." ( Submitted by 'Ben' )
A dumb blonde guy and a brunette girl are walking through the woods when the brunette says, "Oh look! Clever pills!" The dumb blonde guy immediately snatches up a pile of them and eats a mouthful. "Wait a minute," he says. "This tastes like rabbit shit." "See?" says the brunette. "You're getting smarter already!" ( Submitted by 'Ben' )
One day, brunette woman was involved in a serious car accident with another driver. Luckily, she and the other driver were unharmed. When she crawled out from the wreckage of her vehicle she noticed the other driver was a dumb blonde. "What a miracle we both survived," said the brunette. "I agree, we're very lucky," said the dumb blonde. The brunette reached into her car's trunk and found a bottle of strong whisky, which had also somehow survived the accident. "This is a sign we should celebrate," she said, handing the bottle to the dumb blonde. "Couldn't agree more!" said the dumb blonde, taking a big swig of whisky. The brunette grinned. "Aren't you going to have any?" asked the dumb blonde, still holding the bottle. The brunette responds, "No, I think I'll wait until after the police arrive." ( Submitted by 'Ben' )