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Britney Spears

Britney Spears

2 December 1981, USA

"I trip and I burp and I fart, like everybody else."
Stupid x 161

Britney Spears Gossip and News - Page 6

Village Idiot for 30 Apr 2011, Britney Spears

Britney bans nom, nom, nom...

In preparation for her tour Brit Twit has banned all forms of junk food including hot dogs, pizza and cookie dough ice cream. Oh, and alcohol. Brit Twit has also requested Michael Jackson albums be played repeatedly and hired his dance team to recreate some of his routines. Because when you're from the South alcohol is just part of your Saturday morning routine. And Monday through Friday. But not Sunday, that's God's day, 'till after noon that is. So you get to see a detoxing Britney on stage flailing about grabbing her crotch. That's tour gold I tell you, gold!
Village Idiot for 9 Apr 2011, Britney Spears

Britney off to a Shaky Start

Sony Records bosses are apparently livid because 'ol Brit Twit wants to postpone her Femme Fatale tour. Britney is a supposed "perfectionist" and is worried about competing with Lady Gaga and Rihanna for your ticket money. A source says "She's a perfectionist and wants everything to be better than ever before." Well it's not like this is her first "come back" tour, oh the memories of her MTV VMA's catastrophe, good laughs. This must be the first sensible thing she's ever done, avoiding public humiliation.
Village Idiot for 12 Mar 2011, Britney Spears

Britney Naked

Britney naked, too bad it's not '99, people might haven given a damn. Fernando Flores, Britney's ex-bodyguard who is suing her for sexual harassment, claims to have naked pictures of Britney which she sent him from her phone in an attempt to seduce him. A source says "They are really explicit images that will shock and disgust the majority of her fans." Wow, disgust her own fans? Considering the tolerance for Britney's crap in the past these pic's must be a special kind of creepy. I guess not everyone's turned on by nipple's in Frappachino froth.
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 15 Jan 2011, Britney Spears

Horseman of the Apocalypse, table for 2

In what can only be described as a meeting of the axis of evil, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton met up after going their separate ways in 2006 because of a "spat". The two met at the Palihouse hotel and restaurant in West Hollywood along with Brtney's current pimp/boyfriend, Jason Trawick, who also act's as Parisites "talent" agent. Wait, so he's with Britney and works for porn star Paris? There's something about this guy - Match maker? doubt it, Strong immune system? most likely, Merchant of death arranging the end of all we know? definitely. I've never been one to pray but I'm on my knee's faster than an alter boy... you want me to do what with that father?
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 4 Dec 2010, Britney Spears

Britney Sues the Gossip Rags

Britney has set the legal hounds on Star for their published story and RadarOnline for their audio tapes claiming Britney's new man, Jason Trawick, physically abused her. Lawyers for Britney state "Every aspect of the story published by Star Magazine is completely and utterly false... The audio recording posted on RadarOnline is a fraud and it is NOT Britney. The audio they are allegedly relying on between Britney and Jason Alexander is obviously fake and ridiculous." You can take the girl out of the trailer park...
Village Idiot for 14 Aug 2010, Britney Spears

Glee for Britney?

In what can only be described as a rating bonanza, TV show Glee will feature an entire show focused on Brit Twit and her so called music with cameo appearances by Britney herself. However show boss Ryan Murphy went on to say "Britney, I think 100 per cent, is going to be on the episode. She is going to come and do a couple of scenes. We're handling Britney with sort of kid gloves." Now is the time for any Glee background dancers to make their claim to fame K-Fed style. All you need is low standards and a willingness to be covered in Frappuccino froth and dusted in Cheeto's dust.
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 17 Jul 2010, Britney Spears

Lock up the boys for their own Protection

In a recent interview Britney told Cosmopolitan magazine she wanted to lock up her boys until they turned 30. Brit Twit said "If my sons told me they wanted to be in the entertainment business, I'd lock them in their rooms until they turned 30." Britney went on to say "I've been spending a lot of time at home with my boys. They just started karate class, which is super cute!" She really needs to write that parenting book, it'll be a page turner of note. "What will she expose them to next? Keep reading..." Do you think the new found interest in self defence and Britney's stay at home approach is coincidental?
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 3 Jul 2010, Britney Spears

Britney to bid bye bye to boys?

Social workers will be questioning Brit Twit over allegation's she not only beat one of the boys with a belt but also fed them food they were allergic to. Britney's ex-bodyguard, Fernando Flores, who recently left after claiming to have been sexually harassed by Britney alerted investigators to the situation with the boys. It just keeps on getting weirder, last time she went nut's on us they staged an elaborate comeback tour and... God no, please, not again. "Ya'll need to drink your Starbucks if ya wanna be big and strong, if ya don't momma gonna get the belt."
Village Idiot for 12 Jun 2010, Britney Spears

Britney's babysitter/bodyguard Quits due to Sexual Harassment

The bodyguard, Fernando, finally decided to quit after he was blamed by Britney's dad, Jamie, for allowing Britney out in public with no underwear. The Sun reported "She was always giving him the come on and he felt if he didn't reciprocate he could lose his job. He finally handed in his notice last week and is considering legal action." He survived brutal training and a life in the military but nothing could prepare him for Britney. Let's see, dive on a live grenade or tackle Britney to make sure she's wearing underwear, decisions, decisions.
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 29 May 2010, Britney Spears

She's officially the biggest Twit

Brit Twit has surpassed previous record holder Ashton Kutcher with 4,948,848 Twitter users following her every demented word. Britney later tweeted "WOW!!!!! #1 on Twitter! Thank you! Tweet me some questions this morning! xoxo -Brit." No doubt 90% of her Tweet's involve innovative ways of removing Cheeto's stains, and by innovative I mean using your tongue and every last scrap of dignity to lick the bastards out. Technically I should have 4,948,848 twitter users listed as the Village Idiot but due to time restraints I'll leave Britney to take their spot.