By Mike Kaplan (DefenseImagery) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Jessica Simpson Gossip and News
Village Idiot for 3 Jun 2017, Jessica Simpson
Jessica's Uterus is Closed for Business
Mother of two Jessica Simpson has dispelled pregnancy rumours while on the Ellen Show. A ditzy Jessica told Ellen "I'm not pregnant" she said "We got an IUD, nothing's gonna get in that uterus." Pretty sure there will be more genetic material in that uterus but like her brain cells they won't accomplish anything useful.
Village Idiot for 26 Sep 2015, Jessica Simpson
Simpson Drunk/Dumb on TV
During a recent appearance on the Home Shopping Network Jessica Simpson appeared drunk as she giggled and slurred her words. Since then her people have claimed that it was just "part of her personality" and that it "surfaces from time to time". Must fight... dumb blonde urges... Squirrel! hehe. Damn it!
Village Idiot for 6 Jul 2013, Jessica Simpson
Clown Car Vagina fires off another Salvo
Jessica Simpson popped out her second son and named the poor thing "Ace Knute" the second name after fiance, Eric Johnson's, grandfather Knute Rockne. Naturally the twitterverse came alive saying the poor kid would be teased calling him "Ass Nut Johnson" Well that's ridiculous, clearly it would be "Ass Nut Simpson" to keep the Simpson publicity machine turning over for generations to come.
Village Idiot for 20 Apr 2013, Jessica Simpson
Finally, what she's always wanted, a baby... Boy
Jessica toasted her unborn son at a Tom Sawyer-themed baby shower telling people "I'm so excited to have a son... He got all these cute vintage cars and I got a lot of little leather jackets I can't wait to try out!" Jessica went on to say "This pregnancy I'm active, I've only gained half of what I gained in my first pregnancy." So she's only gained "half" the weight, that seems reasonable, I can't imagine the fried chicken industry has had time to regroup from the first pregnancy. Well at least she'll have a man in her life, one she doesn't have to pay to stick around. Wait, pocket money, damn. Happiness denied, again.
Village Idiot for 23 Feb 2013, Jessica Simpson
Child Naming, Aced it
Keen for more publicity Jessica has been telling people she will name her unborn son, Ace. US Weekly reports "[She's] told people she's going to name the baby Ace!" the source told Us Weekly. Simpson, 32, is already mom to 10-month-old daughter Maxwell. The singer hasn't yet revealed how she and Johnson, 33, decided upon the name, however. Yip, the next kid is the ace up her hole, not like the first unplanned one. No this second unplanned kid has potential. This kid could be the next Pet Detective.
Village Idiot for 19 Jan 2013, Jessica Simpson
Simpson Shocked by Pregnancy
Aren't we all? Jessica Simpson stopped by 'The Tonight Show' to explain how shocked she was to be pregnant again. Jessica told Jay Leno "I was extremely shocked. I was shocked because I was going through a lot of hormonal changes trying to get back to the old, vibrant Jessica. And you know, it was kind of like a one-night stand. And it happened... all over again!" Jessica went on to say "Apparently it was a part of God's plan for my life" Yes, God has a sense of humour, unfortunately the rest of use aren't laughing, well we are, but deep down we're crying. It's going to be a touching moment when Jess explains to her second kid how he came into existence via a one night stand. Damn you "pull out method"!
Village Idiot for 1 Dec 2012, Jessica Simpson
Jessica is Pregnant Again
Yes, you read that correctly. Just months after giving birth to her first child Miss Simpson is ready to pop again. A source told US Weekly "It definitely wasn't planned. But yes, Jessica is pregnant again" Well there goes that 'Weight Watchers' contract. Are we 100% sure she's pregnant again and this isn't just the twin that got left behind when it couldn't free itself from a ham Jessica swallowed whole? It would prove my theory about her vagina being like a clown car. Who knows how many more little bastards are tucked away in there?
Village Idiot for 8 Sep 2012, Jessica Simpson
The Weight Watchers debut draws closer for Jess
Jessica told USA Today "I let myself indulge in everything I wanted because it was the first time I was ever pregnant, and I wanted to enjoy it," Going on to explain how she over indulged saying "I didn't realize [the weight] didn't all come off with the baby" Jessica then explained she works out 4 - 5 times a week but is limited to walking because "my boobs are way too big to run at this point." Really? Too big too run? Have you ever seen Baywatch, a little show basically dedicated to breasts at a gallop. Damn you child for giving her bigger breasts and prolonging her... can we call it a career?
Village Idiot for 11 Aug 2012, Jessica Simpson
After Jessica's people went on the PR defensive claiming she was losing a healthy 1lb a week they have now reporting she has lost over 35lbs. Life & Style magazine was told "She's already lost 35 pounds, She can't wait to reveal the results." The 'ol switcheroo, you think she's just lazy but then - Bang, liposuction. Thank you Weight Watchers, I'll take my cheque now. Maybe I'm being a bit harsh, it could be hours of hard work, sweating away at the gym and a healthy diet. Wow, that was the biggest load of bull I've ever had to type.
Village Idiot for 5 May 2012, Jessica Simpson
Jessica lets it Rip
In a much (under) anticipated event, the behemoth formally known as Jessica Simpson has released onto the world an entire herd of... sorry, she gave birth to a single baby girl. In what must be one of the longest gestation periods known in the animal kingdom Miss Simpson now has a new baby girl named Maxwell Drew Johnson. Maybe they should keep her in hospital just in case it's not over. I'm just saying, she could have the clown car of vagina's with a few extra's tucked away somewhere in there.