By Peter Schäfermeier of Universal Photo (Own work) [CC BY-SA 2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5)], via Wikimedia Commons
Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton

17 February 1981, USA

"I don't want to be known as the granddaughter of the Hiltons. I want to be known as Paris."
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Paris Hilton Gossip and News - Page 7

Village Idiot for 3 Jan 2009, Paris Hilton

Doug free of Parisite

Pay-per-view Paris and Doug What-The-Hell-Was-I-Thinking Reinhardt have broken up after six torturous months together only to have Paris latch onto soccer player, Ronaldo. Paris was later seen dragging the idiot to her sister's place where she proceeded to violate numerous health and safety laws. No doubt her offspring will tear it's way out of his chest in about 36 hours time.
Village Idiot for 27 Dec 2008, Paris Hilton

Paris' Prison Mobile

After last year's present to herself of a baby blue Bentley was impounded by police and resulted in her eventual arrest, Porn Star Paris has gone and guaranteed another night in jail by buying herself a pink Bentley for Christmas. Pseudo celeb Paris said "I've just always wanted a pink car... So I think it just comes from being a fan of Barbie for so long." Dear Santa, Thanks for the recent visit to Paris' pad, I hope Mrs. Claus enjoys the gifts. I was wondering if you could help me out with one more wish, it involves Paris, a Bentley and prison time. You know the drill, just make sure the prison sentence stick's this time.
Village Idiot for 20 Dec 2008, Paris Hilton

Paris Robbed

The always hard working Paris was robbed on $2 million of jewellery after someone broke into her house while she was at Christina Aguilera's birthday party. LAPD spokesman Ben Llewellyn said "Our detectives learned that a man wearing a hooded sweatshirt and gloves forced entry through the front door. The man ransacked the bedroom." I hope he didn't steal her video camera, how else is she going to "earn" her jewellery back?
Village Idiot for 6 Dec 2008, Paris Hilton

Paris Nauseated by own Mating Ritual

After breaking up with current psychiatric patient, Benji Madden, pseudo celeb Paris says she's not interested in dating. Porn star Paris said "I don't have dating on my mind at all. Just the thought of dating someone else grosses me out. No way." I don't think there has ever been a time in recorded history when Paris' labia weren't latched onto some poor guy. But don't let down your guard men, consider this the calm before the storm, Paris needs penis' like the USA needs a new economic policy.
Village Idiot for 22 Nov 2008, Paris Hilton

The Emancipation of Benji

Porn star Paris and Benji Madden have broken up after Paris was caught with ex-STD victim, Stavros Niarchos, even though Paris was apparently not herself with a source saying "Nothing went on between Paris and Stav in Miami," A source said "Friends thought Paris had changed since being with Benji and she wants to be herself again." Back to being herself? I recommend buying shares in pharmaceutical companies, good bye global recession, hello burning sensation. Look out for the new tell all book by Benji Madden "How I lost my penis and gained an itch"
Village Idiot for 8 Nov 2008, Paris Hilton

Across the Pond

Remember that horror movie "28 weeks later" about a virus that spreads through England and everyone dies? Well it's about to become reality TV just as soon as Porn Star Paris unloads her bags at her new London based home. Paris told friends "I love it here, I am going to move here permanently. I have already been here for one month and am much, much happier here. I love guys with English accents. I have met a really cute English guy, but it's early days." For some this could be seen as a good thing, and when I say "some" I mean everyone not in London, sorry old chum.
Village Idiot for 27 Sep 2008, Paris Hilton

Paris is a Working Girl

Pseudo celeb Paris told Reuters that she is annoyed of people's perceptions that "she doesn't work". Paris said "I am literally running a huge corporation. I have my clothing lines, my champagne, my watches, shoes and purses and dog clothes. I am doing movies. I am doing my record right now, producing, starring in a TV show. So it is a 24 hour, seven day-a-week job. I work all the time, so I laugh when I hear people say that." Don't worry Paris, most people laugh when they think about you. If she's running a "huge corporation" it would explain the current economic climate, that's right people, your mortgage = her fault.
Village Idiot for 6 Sep 2008, Paris Hilton

Back on the Tube

If it wasn't bad enough some idiot gave Paris another TV show we now have Porn Star Paris teaming up with current STD victim, Benji Madden, to perform a duet for the show. Pseudo celeb Paris said "He actually helped me write some of the songs for my new album, and for the BFF show." when asked about a duet Paris replied, unfortunately, "Yes, definitely. When the show comes out." Who would have thought becoming deaf & blind would be so appealing.
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 9 Aug 2008, Paris Hilton

Political Pawn

Paris used in political bitch slap, probably needs one herself. Rumour has it Porn Star Paris isn't to pleased with US presidential hopeful John McCain. McCain's camp aired a political ad comparing Barack Obama to Paris and Britney Spears, even though Paris' parents contributed to McCain's presidential campaign. Now you've done it McCain, you don't go messing with political powerhouse Paris Hilton, let's see you try and get the all important Tranny Prostitute vote now.
Village Idiot for 19 Jul 2008, Paris Hilton

What's on Your Mind?

Keen to spread her... wisdom, Porn Star Paris is trying to sell the idea of a talk show with her as one of the presenters. Pseudo celeb Paris wants a show similar to 'The View' but hosted by, and focused on, celebrities and the various subjects the famous encounter such as paparazzi and career management. Career management? I thought she just spread her legs and that was it, here's the cash. Then again Herpes cream isn't going to apply itself now is it?
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