Dumb Blonde Jokes, Cold Hard Cash

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win the million dollars. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?" The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it. Mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave him the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is 'C' -- the cuckoo." The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded. Time was up. "I need an answer," said Regis. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C) the cuckoo." "Is that your final answer?" asked Regis. "Yes, that is my final answer," she said, breaking into a sweat. After the usual foot-dragging delay Regis said, "I regret to inform you that that answer is ... absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!" Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. "Andrew, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. I kind of owe you an apology too. I thought that, since you have blonde hair, you might not be the most intelligent lifeline option. But it was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. I guess I shouldn't have believed all those dumb blonde jokes." "No problem! People often think I'm dumb," the blonde said. "By the way," the winner said, not being able to contain the question anymore. "How did you happen to know the right answer?" "Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
( Submitted by 'Ben' )

A blonde surfer walked into his final exam very nervous. Having already flunked his previous three exams, this was his chance to prove he wasn't just another dumb blonde. He was hoping that he could at least manage 50 percent. But when he received the test, he was relieved to find out that it was a True or False exam. Immediately, he reached into his wallet and pulled out a coin. Each time he flipped the coin he would write down an answer. "What are you doing?" the professor asked him. "I'm figuring out the answers," the dumb blonde replied. To this, the professor just rolled his eyes and looked away. When he was done, the professor announced that there were five minutes left to go. "Oh my god!" he said in an excited voice, and started to flip the coin as fast as possible. The professor approached him and asked what was the matter. The dumb blonde responds, "I need to check my answers!"
( Submitted by 'Ben' )

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head looking at the new purple 5 dollar bill. The brunette said "That's so cool! they should make blue money!" The red-head said "That's so cool! they should make red money!" The blonde said "That's so cool! they should make green money!"
( Submitted by 'Alyssa' )

The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down shouting "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know, I thought you were watching."

Q: Why did the platinum blonde go to the jewelery store?
A: To get her hair checked for value.
( Submitted by 'Jarrel' )

A Blonde walks into a bank with a large bag of money and wants to open an account. The teller says, "My, did you horde all that money yourself? "The Blonde replied, "No, my sister whored half of it."

A Blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will cost her $300, she exclaims, "I don't have any money ... but I'll do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland." To that the man asks, "Anything?" And the Blonde says, "Yes ... ANYTHING!" With that the man says, "Follow me." He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door. "She does this and then he says, "Get on your knees. "She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does. Then he says, "Go ahead, take it out." With that, she takes it out and holds it with both hands. And then the man says somewhat impatiently, "Well, go ahead." She then brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it very closely to her lips, she says, "HELLO ...?, MUM?"

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a dump." The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and do it." The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe with." The other Blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?" The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea, I'll use that." He left and came back with shit all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?" The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your butt with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

"Your money or your life" said the guy who was trying to rob a Blonde. "You better take my life, because I'm saving my money for my old age" replied the Blonde.

Q: There was a Smart Blonde, a Dumb Blonde, Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny sitting around a table with 10,000 dollars in the middle of it. Who do you think will get the money?
A: The Dumb Blonde because there is no such thing as a Smart Blonde, Santa Clause, or the Easter Bunny.
( Submitted by 'Troy' )

A Blonde once lost $100 on a horse race once. $50 on the race and $50 on the replay.

Q: What would you get if you offered a Blonde a penny for her thought's?
A: Change.

Q: What happens when a Blonde knocks over an antique vase that is priceless and it cracks on the ground?
A: "It's Okay daddy, I'm alright"