Dumb Blonde Jokes, Cold Hard Cash

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head looking at the new purple 5 dollar bill. The brunette said "That's so cool! they should make blue money!" The red-head said "That's so cool! they should make red money!" The blonde said "That's so cool! they should make green money!"
( Submitted by 'Alyssa' )
The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down shouting "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know, I thought you were watching."
Q: Why did the platinum blonde go to the jewelery store?
A: To get her hair checked for value.
( Submitted by 'Jarrel' )
A Blonde walks into a bank with a large bag of money and wants to open an account. The teller says, "My, did you horde all that money yourself? "The Blonde replied, "No, my sister whored half of it."
A Blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will cost her $300, she exclaims, "I don't have any money ... but I'll do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland." To that the man asks, "Anything?" And the Blonde says, "Yes ... ANYTHING!" With that the man says, "Follow me." He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door. "She does this and then he says, "Get on your knees. "She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does. Then he says, "Go ahead, take it out." With that, she takes it out and holds it with both hands. And then the man says somewhat impatiently, "Well, go ahead." She then brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it very closely to her lips, she says, "HELLO ...?, MUM?"
This Weeks Village Idiot
What did Ivanka Trump do to become this weeks celebrity dumb blonde?

I Want to Know

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a dump." The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and do it." The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe with." The other Blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?" The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea, I'll use that." He left and came back with shit all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?" The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your butt with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
"Your money or your life" said the guy who was trying to rob a Blonde. "You better take my life, because I'm saving my money for my old age" replied the Blonde.
Q: There was a Smart Blonde, a Dumb Blonde, Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny sitting around a table with 10,000 dollars in the middle of it. Who do you think will get the money?
A: The Dumb Blonde because there is no such thing as a Smart Blonde, Santa Clause, or the Easter Bunny.
( Submitted by 'Troy' )
A Blonde once lost $100 on a horse race once. $50 on the race and $50 on the replay.
Q: What would you get if you offered a Blonde a penny for her thought's?
A: Change.
Q: What happens when a Blonde knocks over an antique vase that is priceless and it cracks on the ground?
A: "It's Okay daddy, I'm alright"
A Blonde woman named Brandi finds herself in trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray ... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house. Please let me win the lottery. "Lottery night comes and she does not win. Brandi prays again but still she doesn't win. Once again, she prays ... "God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order. "Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God himself ... "Brandi, work with me on this. Buy a ticket."
( Submitted by 'Matthew' )
How do you know a Irishman is at a cock fight?
He's the one who enters the duck.
How do you know a Blonde is at a cock fight?
He's the one who puts all his money on the duck.
How do you know the Mafia's involved?
The duck win's.