Dumb Blonde Jokes, Cold Hard Cash - Page 2

A Blonde woman named Brandi finds herself in trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray ... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house. Please let me win the lottery. "Lottery night comes and she does not win. Brandi prays again but still she doesn't win. Once again, she prays ... "God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order. "Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God himself ... "Brandi, work with me on this. Buy a ticket."
( Submitted by 'Matthew' )
How do you know a Irishman is at a cock fight?
He's the one who enters the duck.
How do you know a Blonde is at a cock fight?
He's the one who puts all his money on the duck.
How do you know the Mafia's involved?
The duck win's.
One day a Blonde decides that she need's to make some money so she goes around to the different houses on her block asking them if they needed anything done. At one house a guy answer's and say's "Well you can paint the porch" "OK" answered the Blonde "but how much will you give me?" "How does $50 sound?" said the man. "Ok" said the Blonde and she goes of to get everything she need's. The wife of the guy who gave the Blonde the job was inside and had heard what had happened. "$50 's, I hope she know the porch goes right around the house." said the women. 25 minute's later the Blonde comes and knock's on the door. "Have you finished?" asked the man. "Yes" answered the Blonde "but it was a Ferrari not a Porch."
Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30c to use a telephone.
Q: What do you call 3 Blondes, a chimp, and another Blonde standing on a street corner?
A: 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, not for a zillion bucks, 4 bucks.
Q: What do you call a Blonde that just won the lottery?
A: Easy money.
Q: How do you get a Blonde to be quiet?
A: Just say to her "A penny for your thoughts."
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Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives Blondes crazy?
A: A hundred dollar bill.
Q: What do you call a Brunette and two Blondes standing on a corner?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks.
Q: What did the Blondes left leg say to the Blondes right leg?
A: We could make a lot of money between us.
Q: How can you tell if a Blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: What do you call a Blonde with a dollar bill on top of her head?
A: All you can eat for under a buck.
One day a Blonde called a child over from behind a tree in the park and pined a note to his shirt, it said ransom $500,000. The next day there was a bag with $500,000 and a note that said 'Why would a Blonde do this to another Blonde.'
A Blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The Blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa. "Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the Blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the Blonde and hands her $500. The Blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the Blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.