By Mike Kaplan (DefenseImagery) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Jessica Simpson Gossip and News - Page 4
Village Idiot for 22 Aug 2009, Jessica Simpson
Off to a Shaky Start
Avoiding current affairs and news events, no doubt due to the icky factor, Miss Daisy Duke Tweeted about her first earthquake experience while in Japan for the start of her new TV show. Jessica let the world know via Twitter "Thought I was hallucinating. I have never felt anything like this in my life. Laying in bed watching CNN." The God's are not happy with her arrival. Quick find a volcano, she must be sacrificed. I'm not buying the scenario. Maybe if she said "What the... Spongebob funny." I would believe her, but CNN? not a chance.
Village Idiot for 8 Aug 2009, Jessica Simpson
Last of the Moron's
If it wasn't bad enough she's insulted our intelligence all these years one time Daisy Duke and full time idiot, Jessica, has gone and insulted an entire group of people. When asked by a reporter if she would take back the boat she gave her ex, Tony Romo, Miss Simpson replied "I'm not an Indian giver." What the hell was she smoking in her peace pipe? I hear the Native American people have decided to forgive her and have even given her a Native American title - Big Ass Know Nothing.
Village Idiot for 18 Jul 2009, Jessica Simpson
D-Day Before B-Day
Miss Simpson was dumped the day before her 29th "Barbie and Ken-themed" birthday by now ex-boyfriend Tony Romo. An inside source claims that one of the reasons was because of Jessica's dad, Joe, interfering and go so far as to offer football star, Tony, advice on - you guessed it - football. Jessica later Twittered "Barbie party didn't happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER." The only way Jessica's getting married again is if there's a shotgun and 90% genetic similarity. Why? because papa Joe said so.
Village Idiot for 30 May 2009, Jessica Simpson
The Simpson to return to TV
Us Weekly reports that Jessica is negotiating a new show called "The Price of Beauty" where Jess and a friend travel the world exploring cultural differences in beauty and body image, no doubt with a full hair and make-up team. This thing has international incident written all over it. I would recommend making your donation to the red cross now just in case she starts wrestling with a native over food aide supplies, think of it as pre-emptive charitable work. For all we know by the end of the show she might even have adopted one of Madonna's chosen children.
Village Idiot for 11 Apr 2009, Jessica Simpson
No Country for old Newlyweds
Just days after failing to appear at the Academy of Country Music Awards, Sony BMG Nashville has dropped Miss Simpson from their label. However, a rep for Miss Simpson denies this saying "She was on loan to Sony Nashville for her country album." Only on loan? What kind of rental agreement did they sign? I bet she signed it with a crayon. No pair of Daisy Duke shorts can save that sinking ship.
Village Idiot for 13 Dec 2008, Jessica Simpson
Jess to hit the Books
Miss Simpson plans on ditching the spot light and heading to college to study religion after being inspired by "The Da Vinci Code". Jessica told America's Marie Claire magazine "I've been contemplating taking a college course in religion. I love religion" The only way Jessica's getting a college degree is if she spends half her time on her knee's... praying.
Village Idiot for 18 Oct 2008, Jessica Simpson
Spreading the Love
Jessica has taken on the challenge set by Angelina Jolie to plague the world with celeb-tot's but plans on sacrificing her vagina in the process. Miss Simpson told Australia's Daily Telegraph "I'd love six kids running around, but I guess I'll have to start pretty soon." I'm not sure if the ocean's chicken supplies can handle that many mini Simpson's.
Village Idiot for 20 Sep 2008, Jessica Simpson
Fan Ban Lifted
Miss Simpson has been given the go-ahead to attend Dallas Cowboys games provided she doesn't wear the teams jersey. Jessica told Extra "I won't be wearing the jersey to the game, but I have been there and definitely going to support the Cowboys all the way," Woo-hoo! She's letting the girls out, oh wait, she still has to wear clothes? Dammit. Even though she's not allowed to wear the teams jersey fans have said she can wear the teams helmet for her own safety, stupid gravity.
Village Idiot for 30 Aug 2008, Jessica Simpson
Blondes and Technology
Miss Simpson has officially been hauled off to the crazy girlfriend category after admitting she checks boyfriend Tony Romo's cellphone history. Jessica hit back at rumours that Tony's ex, Carrie Underwood, had been in contact with him telling a radio station "Tony and I both laughed at that... I looked at his call log." This is Jessica we're talking about, she probably checked his account balance and called it a day. You've bagged yourself a winner Tony.
Village Idiot for 2 Aug 2008, Jessica Simpson
Country Cross-over Catastrophe
Miss Simpson's attempt to become a Country star has run into a few snags with Country bumpkins criticizing her singing going so far as to say "It's crap, She doesn't belong here." Jessica commented on stage "...I'm just a girl from Texas; I'm just like you. I'm doing what I love and dating a boy," That's right, she's just like you, she dates boys... wait a minute? It's too late now, we're not taking her back, she's gone Country and we don't want her back, YeeHah!!! Y'all.