By Mike Kaplan (DefenseImagery) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson

10 July 1980, USA

"I kinda want to be the Reese Witherspoon of the music industry... the girl next door who wears a great dress and has great hair."
Really Stupid x 61

Jessica Simpson Gossip and News - Page 2

Village Idiot for 10 Mar 2012, Jessica Simpson

Jessica, Pregnant and Naked

You may begin gouging out your eye's... now. Desperately trying to fit her hooves in the foot prints of Demi Moore, Miss Simpson did a naked pregnancy shoot for Elle magazines April edition where she also confirms she's having a girl. When asked about the hardest part of her pregnancy she reveals it's "Givin' up my Scotch. My Macallan 18. That was hard for me! Though now, being pregnant, you crave other things. A big thing of water sounds great!" She's the size of a whale and wants a "big thing of water"? I shudder to think how many trees had to die to fit an eighth of her girth on Elle's pages.
Really Dumb
Village Idiot for 25 Feb 2012, Jessica Simpson

Back of the Line

Hoping for some pregnancy sympathy Jessica tried to cut the line at La Super-Rica Taqueria but was quickly escorted back to the end of the line when others in the line started yelling at her. A source says "Apparently Jessica was too hungry to wait on the line like everyone else, so she tried to walk straight to the front in the hope that someone would take pity on her pregnant self. Unfortunately for Jess, the line went crazy and other hungry people started yelling at her. It was so embarrassing. Eventually, Jess was escorted to the back of the line. But she didn't want to wait. After all that, she just went to grab some Taco Bell around the corner." Good call, you really don't want to be stuck behind a flatulent pregnant women in a Mexican restaurant.
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 17 Dec 2011, Jessica Simpson

Betting Big

Jessica Simpson has signed a $3million deal with Weight Watchers and is set to shed her "baby weight" once she gives birth. Jessica also wants to marry her long time leech, Eric Johnson, after giving birth but wants to save on cost's, damn fabric is expensive. Do you hear that? Ka-ching! That's the sound of a Weight Watchers contract, the photo rights to her new born splashed in the tabloid's and a celebrity wedding. The Kardashian's are a bunch on low ranked fame whores compared to the Simpson celebrity triple threat machine. The only thing missing? the sex tape that resulted in the bun in said over stuffed oven. Do I hear a college trust fund in the near future?
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 12 Nov 2011, Jessica Simpson

Not fat, worse, she's Pregnant and Flatulent

After "admitting" on Twitter that she was a "mummy" with a picture of her dressed as an "Egyptian mummy" (I tried to play that one down, got to try keep some standards around here), Jessica has gone on to talk about her pregnancy and tendency to fart. Jessica, using her now favourite means of communication - Twitter, said "The average person expels flatulence 15 times each day!", "The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!" Makes my eyes water just reading that. Nick Lachey must be kicking himself round about now, and by kicking himself I mean banging Vanessa Minnillo.
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 1 Oct 2011, Jessica Simpson

Fat or Pregnant?

Reports have it that Jessica Simpson is pregnant based purely of unflattering pictures of her while in Mexico and her eating habit's. Jessica apparently turned away a glass of champagne for a birthday toast to boyfriend Eric Johnson fuelling speculation of her pending pregnancy. A friend told InTouch Weekly "She's already having kooky cravings!... which satisfy her urge for salty and sweet" So the rumours are based on Jessica's weird eating habit's and ass the size of her former fame? Maybe there's a simpler link, like she's just plain lazy? To be honest, I'm not sure there are too many penises that could withstand Jessica Simpson post 'Newlyweds', not without copious amounts of alcohol.
Really Dumb
Village Idiot for 16 Jul 2011, Jessica Simpson

Judge Jessica

Because it wasn't bad enough that she can barely dress herself, Miss Simpson will now appear on a new fashion show as a "judge". The new show called 'Fashion Star' hosted by Elle Macpherson, will also feature Nicole Richie as a fashion "judge". At least the models will stay skinny, no one would dare take on Judge Jessica for the last Buffalo wing. The judging panel is going to look like a remake of Laurel and Hardy.
Village Idiot for 2 Jul 2011, Jessica Simpson

Questions about Marriage already?

It's not good enough that a man in general had the courage to propose to Miss Simpson, now Jessica insists on a "no cheating clause" in the prenup. A friend say "Jessica's biggest fear is that Eric will stray, so she insisted on that specific clause in her prenup," Is she serious? A living, breathing man actually wants to claim some fame marry her and she throws in demands? Let's put it this way, no prenup means more publicity when her marriage fails, as if there were any other outcome.
Village Idiot for 16 Apr 2011, Jessica Simpson

Boob Bailout

Miss Simpson confessed her airbags are a great way of getting out of parking tickets. Jessica is quoted in People magazine as saying "There's no way to hide them as much as you want to bandage your boobs down." going on to say "Now I can make my way in and out of parking tickets: Show the girls and give a wink!" Yes the secret to her success - winking, and her boobs. Everyone that thought I was going to say talent, go sit in the corner. Not only are they great for getting out of parking tickets but they also protect women against the everyday perils of taking responsibility for your actions. But who's complaining? Viva La Revolucion!
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 2 Apr 2011, Jessica Simpson

The real Bridezilla

It looks like Miss Simpson is planning on getting married and even designing her own straight jacket wedding dress. "It's a three-step process," Tina, Jessica's mom, explains. "We see it at the beginning design stage. We'll give our inspiration and our color palette. And then, mid-design, they bring to us what they're working on, and then we have final approval." And they said a dress of bacon was impossible, she'll show them. From the people that bought you Lady Gaga's meat dress comes their latest creation - Bacon Bride.
Really Stupid
Village Idiot for 5 Feb 2011, Jessica Simpson

On her knees for Ass

The always insightful Miss Simpson recently tweeted "Saying my prayers before bedtime...Thank you Lord for blessing me with a Man that has the perfect Tush...laying my hands upon it with peace :)" I'm sure God appreciates her updates as much as the Twitterverse does. If only God could remove her from his Twit account.